Welcome back to part two of your favorite new RUFP blog series — Meet the Coaches!

Next up: the spreader of nutritional wisdom, father of a baby who is so cute it hurts your face, is 90% carnivore, and the only person you probably know who actually enjoys eating sardines — Tyler Koehler.

BACKGROUND

J: Please state your full name, your age, and your favorite vegetable.

T: Tyler Ron Koehler, 25, asparagus. Eggplant is a strong second.

CHILDHOOD

J: Do you know what your first word was?

T: “Da-da”

spongebob

J: What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

T: Spongebob Squarepants. Definitely Spongebob.

J: Were you ever sent to the principal’s office?

T: Yes. Not necessarily the principal, but we had a “detention room”. I could not stop talking in class. I used to have to go there a few times a week.

One time, a kid stood up in his chair, and I sharpened a pencil and put it on his seat and he sat right on it. Went to the principal for that.

Another time, we were playing soccer at recess and a kid hit me so I punched him in the face.

J: What was your first job? How old were you?

T: Landscaping. 14, 15-ish. It was actual landscaping, not just mowing lawns. Moving gravel, digging up cactus, etc.

J: What were your parents’ jobs?

T: My dad is a pastor, and my mom was a stay at home mom.

J: Did you ever get in trouble in church?

T: For talking. I always got in trouble for talking.

J: What was the first thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

T: NBA player.

J: What’s a funny story from when you were a kid that your parents still talk about today?

T: I was really young, and my brother had just been born and had come home from the hospital. My mom was exhausted and spilled eye drops all over the carpet and yelled “sh*t”, and I then ran around the house yelling “oh sh*t! Oh sh*t!” and my mom started sobbing…

MISCELLANEOUS
(the important stuff)

J: How much money would it take for you to name your next child Batman?

T: Let’s say $1 million. Abby says $5 million.

J: What incredibly common thing have you never done?

T: I’ve never made a snowman or a snow angel. I’ve never been drunk. Never gotten a tattoo. It’s also been a really long time since I’ve ridden a bike…

(note to reader: please bring your bike and drink of choice to the gym on the next snow day so we can broaden Tyler’s horizons)

trumpet

J: What’s your party trick?

T: I can juggle. I can touch my tongue to my nose. I can play the trumpet, but not sure if that’s a “party” trick.

J: If the Olympic Committee mandated it that for every sport, one “average joe” would have to compete alongside the elite athletes to provide viewers an idea of how impressive these athletes are, which Olympic sport would you want to be the “average joe” used for comparison?

T: *thinks for way too long* …100m track.

J: In your opinion, how could carousels be spiced up to be more exciting?

T: What?

J: You know. Carousels. With the horses.

T: Hmm. How about, bumper car carousels. You go around in a circle and slam your horse into other horses.

J: What kitchen appliance do you most closely identify with and why?

T: *doesn’t skip a beat* Blender. Because it’s loud.

J: What’s your favorite car song to sing to?

T: Word of Mouth – Mike and the Mechanics

notfunny

This author’s reaction to Tyler’s joke.

J: Tell me a joke.

T: Knock knock.

J: Who’s there?

T: Tuba

J: Tuba who?

T: Tuba toothpaste.

J: If you could instantly become an expert in one thing what would it be?

T: Nutrition.

J: Would you rather give up all drinks except for water, or give up eating anything that was cooked in an oven?

T: All drinks except for water. I love food too much.

J: What word do you hate?

T: When people say “the Carolinas”. Or “The Dakotas”. No, it’s either North Dakota or South Dakota. Or North Carolina or South Carolina. Not both.

J: If you could make one thing illegal what would it be?

T: Stupid people while driving. Or slow drivers.

J: If you were the 8th dwarf, what would your name be?

T: Hangry.

FINAL QUESTION:

J: Would you rather have to dance every time you heard music or have to sing along every time you heard a song?

T: Abby votes dancing. I guess I’d have to go with dancing.

dancing

And there we have it, folks: all of your burning questions regarding Tyler Koehler have been answered. Stay tuned for part 3 of the Meet the Coaches series!

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